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Closed Circuit: another brick in the wall
Theresa May bricks it, barns for homes and “b***er off”.
Theresa May’s speech on planning last week came in for an awful amount of ribbing on social media for its odd choice of background, which consisted of loads of bricks.
The wall behind her? Bricks. The lectern? Bricks. Her jacket? Bricks.
Ok, so she didn’t actually wear a jacket made of bricks, but you get the drift. Closed Circuit is in tune enough to understand the subtle messages the government’s spin doctors were driving at: this government just goddarn loves it some brick. Most specifically, of course, it likes bricks which are used to build new houses to solve the housing crisis, and Closed Circuit firmly believes that its choice of a brick lectern for the speech proves it is a down-to-earth get-the-job-done type administration that won’t be messing around.
Sadly, of course, building material prices have rocketed since the Brexit referendum, and the hard Brexit which our dear housing minister Domini Craab so favours would threaten to severely restrict the already limited supply of bricklayers.
But that aside, this is a government that believes in bricks.
For those who weren’t too distracted by the lectern to listen to the speech, Ms May also caught some flack for its contents. For example, she told the country: “All the evidence shows that just reforming, planning and expecting the existing developers to build all the homes we need is pie in the sky.”
This was, of course, a speech reforming, planning and setting out an expectation that existing developers would build all the homes we need.
If the speech was light on concrete policy, there was better to come this Monday, when the government announced its latest plan to solve the housing crisis: let owners of agricultural buildings convert them into slightly more homes without planning permission.
The change, which allows barns to be converted into five rather than three homes without any form filling, is an exciting move. Last year, agricultural conversions accounted for 330 new homes – or 0.15% of overall supply.
Have you ever wondered how a respected and eloquent sector leader who shall remain nameless deals with nuisance calls? Well, wonder no longer, for this week Closed Circuit got some insight.
It is not clear who was on the phone, but one side of the conversation went something very close to this: “Hello, [this is a respected and eloquent sector leader who shall remain nameless] … you’re calling from where?... Right… Well, I’m sorry, you must have a really horrible job because people must tell you to bugger off all the time. But that being said: bugger off.”
So there you have it. At the very least it’s effective. Don’t call this particular nameless sector leader without invitation.
Side note: no phones were hacked in the making of this diary column.
